As we are nearly at the end of the first month of the year what does January represent to you?
'January' originated before the year 1000 from Middle English, ultimately deriving from the Latin noun use of Jānuārius, equivalent to Jānus.
Jānus in ancient Roman culture was a god of doorways, beginnings, and the rising and setting of the sun. The name comes from the Latin jānus, meaning “doorway, archway, arcade.”
January therefore has become traditionally known as the month for making changes.
Did you make resolutions?
Are they still standing?
The very nature of resolutions can leave us feeling pressured and if they don't endure even the month, ultimately feeling guilty. The majority of resolutions involve taking up something you feel you 'should' do or giving up something you perceive as pleasurable.
Dry January is a common short term resolution that many struggle with even though it is designed to last for just one month. I have heard many talk about how they had committed to dry January only to fall off the wagon by the end of the week.
Many describe it as 'being good' which implies they have 'been bad' when drinking alcohol. The assessment that having a drink is bad gives rise to conflicting feelings about something many just find pleasurable when done in moderation.
Drink, as with any other substance, is often used as reward and although this concept can become an issue in itself. Just denying it when there are clearly emotions involved with consuming the substance is far more likely to lead to failure. As soon as we see ourselves as giving it up and being virtuous we are likely to perceive it as deprivation and the very emotions we abate when partaking pull us back into the loop.
As people we are driven by pleasure and pain and deprivation is likely to feel painful and build experience and belief that it is hard and to be avoided.
The same pattern can become apparent with committing to physical exercise or promising to ourselves to defeat procrastination or old unhelpful habits etc. There can be many reasons that cannot be logically rationalised, as they exist in our unconscious minds, for why we have not changed these habits. Our unconscious minds are emotional and cannot be reasoned with, it stores the history of our experience and holds our beliefs.
For example if you believe you cannot go out with friends without having a drink you are likely to feel compelled to have a drink. This compulsion is far stronger than any logical words you might tell yourself.
A secondary gain is often present keeping our current behaviour that requires addressing until we make changes in our underlying belief. What is gained by keeping this old habit?
Ready for Change?
Often we are not ready for the changes we think we 'should' do. There may be steps to take before those changes can be implemented. The behaviours that we consistently do will have a perceived emotional benefit and until we neutralise the feeling of deprivation this old behaviour will remain.
It is not surprising resolutions that are not aligned with our perception of pleasure do not have longevity. The way forward is in connecting emotionally to a change as a benefit. What are we gaining - health, fitness, a vocation?
January is an opportunity to review where we are and what direction would bring us joy. It is a time to amplify the things we like that take us in a direction that aids our spiritual development. A time to explore what makes us tick!
No amount of shoving, pushing and blackmailing ourselves is going to bring about sustainable and positive growth.
It could be that we have emotional blocks when considering our journey which often involves ability, deservedness and historic programming. If these challenges are consistently blocking progress I would recommend consulting a professional to help to overcome these obstacles and discover direction and empowerment.
Alignment with Goals
But often not being able to sustain movement and progress is due to not being completely in alignment with what would be beneficial for ourselves and we end up fight ourselves. The consistent push in the wrong direction can be a sign of unconscious programming from our early care givers.
With the best possible intentions we can be programmed to believe a life route is meant for us but our whole being is shouting at us 'no' which culminates in the form of tension and stress or even physical symptoms.
Bypassing our innate knowing happens when our programming convinces us that the choices we make need to fit in with society. That which is considered worthwhile and respectable and gains validity and approval from those close to us.
Often when we don't feel able to make these shifts we resort to the very things we want to change such as alcohol, smoking or stopping an exercise regime. Ironically when we feel loving and accepting towards ourselves we are far more likely to achieve than when we punish and chastise ourselves for the choices we make.
Developing compassion for ourselves even when we give up on a new beneficial change is far more likely to allow us to bounce back and resume the behaviour we want more quickly.
The ability to say to ourselves: 'Oh well one cake it is ok, I made a mistake' is more likely to stop the pattern than 'I am so stupid and I have ruined it' which is likely to lead to more cakes and lots of chastising.
For any goal to be achievable and worthwhile it is crucial that our heart is aligned with the proposed plan of change as without the passion the achievement either does not come to fruition or is devoid of the fulfilment that was promised.
While we are all directed to the external world and distracted by the infinite information that bombards our senses and the messages as to what we need to know and do the internal world lays dormant and untapped.
We can be forgiven for believing all vital knowledge is external. It is a programming most of us have received since primary school. it is time now to get to know the infinite wisdom we hold that can be honed and focused. The intuition that has always been present can be sharpened. These natural skills we are born with have been ignored and dumbed down for centuries. Our own subtle senses are more important now and can be practised and directed for the betterment of not only ourselves but all of those around us.
When developed these skills aid us to navigate our way to fulfilment. Challenges are easier to overcome and the resilience built will carry us through life.
Developing Higher Self and Purpose
Alignment to our higher self is crucial to following our own path. It may not be what those around us consider worthwhile or suitable but the only opinion that counts is our own. We cannot live someone else's dreams.
Taking time to reflect and connect with our higher self that knows and wants the best for us is very rewarding. The simplest way to start is through meditation and silence. Most of us spend our lives in a noisy world that leaves little space for silence and self reflection.
It is only when we remove the noise that we are able to gain insight into our true purpose.
The more we gift ourselves time set aside for space for ourselves the easier it becomes to be in our bodies and aware of our highest purpose and needs.
When we start to learn to take notice of our emotions which are our senses, signposts and red flags for assessing our own progress, we learn to work through our challenges rather than suppress our feelings.
“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.”
― Roy T. Bennett
Our emotions are sending messages consistently for us to take note of and if necessary redirect our attentions. When we become practiced at being with our emotions rather than avoiding them we develop our resilience which ultimately leads to freedom. We are no longer trapped by our emotions. We learn to allow them, and like everything, they are transitional and pass. The old habits we are trying to change may not be easy to alter simply because we are avoiding uncomfortable emotions.
Respecting, honouring and acknowledging our needs is necessary when reflecting and discerning a new direction.
When you have built a loving compassionate relationship with your self your own worth validates your opinions and choices. Being at peace with being a perfect imperfect human being deepens an inner knowing of what you want and how to get there.
Real achievement does not come from a sense of not being enough
but a sense of wholeness that drives us with enthusiasm because we are enough.
We have reached a point of transformation where we enjoy celebrating and enhancing our gifts.
Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
01932 403780/07782 381855
