While we all seek to create and maintain harmonious relationships, it seems
this state of harmony with our significant other is not always easy to
acquire. And I can't help wondering if our expectations are too high and
our willingness to persist and meet the challenges has deteriorated. In a
world of quick fixes and instant gratification we are giving up and moving on
only to find we fall into the same pattern in the next relationship.
Maybe you can justify break ups with reasons, and sometimes those are valid,
how many times have you got past the honeymoon stage and not liked the
reality of your partner’s annoying habits? What if this pattern is also a
reflection of your own intolerance and judgment of self. It is not
possible to create a harmonious relationship when there is inner discord with who
you are.
We abandon our chance of harmony when we do not focus on seeking the best in our partners.
Persistence within relationships is a path to growth and development in self approval and
acceptance and in recognition of our own virtues.
The quality of our communication uncovers the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Although we may try to ignore or veil our inner most insecurities they surface in our interactions and seek out faults and problems in alignment with limiting self-beliefs. So the perfect mate after only three months later degenerates into a mirror reflection of self judgments, doubts and fears.
If you don't want to jump from one break up to another the first step is to
look at how you communicate with yourself. Is your inner dialogue
compassionate, encouraging and forgiving or judging and insulting? When
you allow constant inner dialogue to continue under the radar your truth is
compromised by your less than glowing view of yourself. This type of
inner dialogue is like brainwashing and is never going to bring you inner
peace. Become aware of your chatter, observe it and notice how frequently
you berate yourself. Once you have this awareness it is easier to make
choices. Have these thoughts produced the results you desire or do they
contribute to the lack of manifesting a satisfying and fulfilling lasting
relationship? Perhaps you are attracting the relationship which fits your
current negatively biased view of what you deserve.
How can you begin to create change in your inner narrative? First and
fore most it is necessary to be more consciously aware of the inner dialogue to
runs and notice how it affects your emotional state. Once you note how
frequently you are allowing this torrent of abuse to take place you are in a
position of choice. What would you like to believe about yourself?
Is that possible? Now that it is, begin with questioning that inner
dialogue. Is this really true about me? Do I deserve better?
Aren't I just as good as everyone else? Am I loveable? Is it
possible for me to forgive myself? The answers to these questions will
give you an gauge of the status of your beliefs about yourself and how this has
a compromising effect on your abilities. What if you could switch your focus
from the behaviours you are critical of and turn your attention to the elements
that are acceptable. If I liked and accepted myself now what attributes
would I notice? Create a list and say each quality out loud, and if you
feel able right now, look into the mirror as you speak your positive possibilities.
Notice how it feels to verbalise these qualities. Tell yourself that even
though you are not entirely comfortable with how you have felt about yourself
up until now, you can be a little happier today.
We often learn limiting beliefs from those closest to us as we grow up and
take on board opinions that were never ours in the first place and as such
can be frequently misinterpreted. What if the belief you developed from a
comment was never intended in the way it was perceived and you have spent a
life time living in alignment with a false belief. When those around us
are under stress we may be the target for their hurt, anger or sadness.
It is not easy logically to see past this behavior especially when we are young
children with limited ability to rationalise. Evaluate your beliefs, and
ask yourself - How did they start? Are they unsuitable and outdated?
Untrue and unhelpful? If these beliefs did not belong to me, but were
passed down and therefore not valid, as I do not hold ownership, what other
beliefs and behaviours would this new realisation affect? What other
beliefs could I begin to grow if these false beliefs were no longer present for
me?
It is not until we question and address our relationship with ourselves that
we can begin to manifest the partnership we desire. Nurturing the
qualities we admire in ourselves and noticing the progress we are making gives
us a path to our authentic self, the person we truly desire to be. We
sometimes become hijacked by what we think will make us happy, but once we
trust our own instincts and have the courage to follow them we are truly on
track. It is not easy to attract an authentic soul mate if you are not
being yourself for fear of judgement. If you are intending on sending out
a universal advert for a partner be sure to shine the light on the beauty of
who you are. Accept even the parts you previously considered to be
weaknesses for they are your human perfect imperfections. When you are
focusing on being at peace with every part of you creating harmony with a
partner is a natural and rewarding process.
