What we are taught from an early age is flawed in its concepts. We are either rewarded for being a good girl/boy or punished for mistakes and labelled bad. At an identity level we associate with being good or bad instead of believing we are acceptable even when we don’t make great decisions and make mistakes. We are lovable even when we exhibit anger or say something that received a negative response. It is easy to see how we become scared of making mistakes and view them as failure and feel the pressure to conform even if it means suppressing our true nature. We learn what we think is expected of us and squeeze ourselves into that inflexible model ignoring our own dissatisfaction and objections. We accept the perceived world view on where we fit in and pay no attention to our need to bring our individuality to the table. We persuade and minupulate ourselves into that box for fear of ridicule and rejection.
If only we were taught from day one how to get every part of our brain to work together for the greater good there would be a whole lot more peace, kindness and contentment. Instead the messages we regularly receive encourage us to hide what we consider to be flaws, fit in with others and become critical and judgmental of ourselves.
At nursery school level we are encouraged to grow our childlike fantasies and allowed to express our individuality. When we enter full time education we are taught we are now big boys/girls and it all gets a bit serious. Gone is the free fun and in its place comes rules and expectations and our unique quirks can be viewed as disruptive and actively discouraged. It is the beginning of the road to conformity and the strong message there is a right and a wrong way to be! How would our children benefit from lessons on getting in touch with our emotions and expressing our needs. Some time put aside during the day to encourage free thought with no limits and given permission to dream big and then some! What if it wasn’t all about academic ability and ticks on charts. As we journey through the educational system it becomes less and less acceptable to stand out and exhibit emotions. We are not encouraged to express how we feel or even contemplate stating a need. How many times have you heard “You are too sensitive!” or “You are so emotional!” It is as if we are chastised for having these emotions at all. Academia all too readily encourages logical thought and perceives emotion as something that gets in the way. By the time we have emerged into the wide world through the educational system I am sure a good majority of us are left feeling we have to be devoid of emotion in order to succeed, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Think of your best achievements how would you describe the effort it took to get there? –
- I put my heart and soul into that
- I was so passionate about it
- I felt it from the bottom of my heart
Without emotion there would be no reason to get up in the morning. We could not have a true purpose without emotion, it is the basis of our motivation, keeps us determined, persistent and focused. Without emotion we do not make good decisions or learn from our mistakes. All truly successful people rely on emotions and when making decisions would take note of how they feel : “I could feel in my gut it was the right thing for me.”
When we connect our logical thought with our emotions and accept they are a trusted gauge of how we are doing we are using the power of our whole mind and our whole being. We have been taught to believe our brain is for logical thinking, but that is only part of the truth and to have the capacity to understand and harness the full capacity of our brain we need to realise our minds are intrinsically linked to our hearts. Our thoughts provoke emotions that live in our bodies causing strong physical symptoms that are often overlooked and ignored, but these signs are useful and when taken into consideration give us a far better guide to whether we are on track or not. Quite often when we have ignored these physical signs for a period of time and suppressed the need that is hidden within our emotions the sign gets bigger and more painful. These signs can express themselves as many symptoms including panic attacks, heart burn and headaches. If we continue to ignore these physical warnings and the message they are trying to bring to our attention the symptoms are likely to escalate. What is this pain or discomfort trying to flag up? Maybe it is an area of your life style that is causing too much stress or you are struggling with a toxic relationship.
How many mental health issues are started or aggravated by not accepting emotions, trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions. We are not taught to accept our emotions let alone uncomfortable ones. Someone who is seen to be out of control could be described as an emotional wreck as if the emotions themselves are the reason for this person being so unwell. The answer – just numb them with medication. But the lack of emotion then takes the very spirit of the person away. Who would want to live with no feeling for anything? Although our emotions can bring us discomfort without them we also lose the highs and any hope of a worthwhile or purposeful life.
The answer is not to eliminate emotions, but to look at the thoughts that cause emotion. Begin to understand how thoughts resonate in the body. Become aware of thoughts and whether they require action or not. We have thousands of thoughts every day and not every one is worthy of a reaction. Like clouds across the sky we can just watch as they drift by and pick out those of worthy focus. When you feel a less than comfortable knot in your stomach or a tightness in your chest trace back to the thought that provoked that feeling. What did that thought trigger in you? Is it worthy of your attention? Is it safe to let it go? When we are able to identify the triggers we can begin to gain back some conscious control. When we allow these triggers to continually happen without knowing the source we disable ourselves to respond proactively or put the issue into perspective. Our logical thought and emotions separately are alike having a car without any means of steering or a boat without a rudder.
To utilise every aspect of our mind to produce the best results the mind/heart union is crucial. Creating a balance between the two encourages a healthy outlook and promotes a full experience of life as an engaged participant confident to play it large with a firm grounding. When the brain is trained to pay attention, where needed, to thoughts that encourage and serve and not to place any energy on those that undermine and sabotage, the path to success becomes so much easier!
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