Our view of the world and a sense of right and wrong is developed in our early years. Our parameters are based on our
family’s values, beliefs and our perceived role. Dependent on how we experience right, wrong
and fairness it can contribute to unhelpful unconscious childhood programming. The patterns of behaviour played out in our
families can install a paradigm of battling with being right. When we have consistently experienced
inflexibility and rigid concepts of what is right and wrong, proving a point
can become compelling and all consuming.
Unfortunately, when we doggedly argue our corner it can cost us the
goodwill of others as usually this requires someone being proved wrong. The very need to prove our point suggests a
fear as we become defensive and fearful of our core beliefs being proved to be
false. If we let go of these
longstanding foundational beliefs we lose the certainty and safety they supply.
By expanding
our understanding that right and wrong are on the whole perceptions from an
individual’s viewpoint and not based on truth challenges our previously black
and white view. Accepting our beliefs
are second hand based on our family’s views and not concrete facts can help us
to be more accommodating of others’ perspectives. Taking a moment to assess how well those
family beliefs have served our parents can give us better insight into which
beliefs have positive value and are worth keeping. We may have missed many helpful, interesting
grey areas in our refusal to explore perceptions unfamiliar from our usual position. Opinions are based on an individual’s unique
values and beliefs and when we are able to consider another’s views we free
ourselves to openness. In the process we are more readily able to release
the need to judge and be right. Being
able to live by beliefs that bring us joy, peace and happiness without feeling
challenged by others’ differing views alleviates the need to enforce our
opinions on others.
When we are
equipped with curiosity and unconditional love for human kind we are more
likely to discover peace and serenity and the urge to jump to conclusions and
make assumptions diminishes. Our values
and beliefs are how we all make sense of the world. When some of our beliefs have been shaped by
hurt, anger, fear and sadness the beliefs we filter our experiences through
taint our thoughts, reasoning and drive our behaviours to our own detriment. Remaining open to all opinions gives us the
opportunity to assess whether the viewpoints we are exposed to could be an
asset in our quest for personal development.
The ability to set aside our assumptions and really gauge whether someone
else’s opinion could be a great insight and resource is a sign of emotional and
spiritual progress.
It becomes
easier to achieve a safer viewpoint of the world when we willingly embrace a
more open and compassionate mindset.
When we let go of right and wrong in our daily communication we no
longer feel threatened by others’ views and opinions. Indeed, quite the opposite becomes accessible: A deeper understanding and empathy for those
who exhibit opposing or fearful behaviour and opinions. Nurturing a willingness to allow others just
to be, without need to criticise or change unlocks the possibility to release
our own self judgement and accept our inner most thoughts and feelings. When we just accept, even our darkest
thoughts, we are liberated from them. Consequently,
as the judgement dissipates the focus and energy no longer fuels these thoughts
and they lose their power. The energy
and focus can be redirected to generate supportive thoughts and behaviours as
we learn to accept or even like our imperfections.
The
practice of acceptance of ‘what is’ sets us on the path to enlightenment. Often, we criticise those that exhibit
thoughts and behaviours we have judged to be wrong in ourselves. It is important we learn to express our
opinions without the need to forcefully push our views. Instead just expressing our opinions without
need for others to validate, approve or agree.
Accepting we cannot change others brings us the power to discover true recognition
of the world’s diversity and the ability to value and possibly admire others’
viewpoints. The only changeable elements
are how we
as individuals think,
feel and react to behaviours and events.
We learn
and grow by the very acknowledgement of the great polarity of values and
beliefs that are held by others. It
becomes easier with practice to view others with curiosity and respect and
gratefulness for what we can learn. We
each and every one of us gain by learning from others who do not share our map
of the world. The benefits enable us to develop
a broader perspective and establish a more peaceful and safe place in the world
while permitting the right of others to their beliefs.
Much of our
behaviour is triggered automatically without question. When we gain more awareness of these patterns
and consciously step back in an attempt to understand others’ and their views we
have truly begun to master our emotional states and negate our own blind spots. We can consider whether it is really
necessary or beneficial to react negatively and seek solace in our own beliefs
and judgement. What behaviour would be
more valuable? Seize the opportunity to be
curious and search for a better understanding of the person’s journey and how
they arrived at their current view of the world.
There is no
one right way to live, just numerous options and paths. We are all searching for contentment, joy,
peace and love often ignoring the very avenues that will bring that
fulfilment. By reacting in a less than
positive way to alternative methods we limit our chances to awareness of choice
and discovering the very resources that will fuel our personal power.
What have we
overlooked by dismissing others’ opinions.
What if we could gain something valuable that promotes our personal
growth and peace from everyone we interact with, especially those that
challenge our strong beliefs. The
greatest life changing learning occurs when we have overcome the biggest
challenges. How often have we denied ourselves
the chance to expand emotionally, mentally and spiritually?
To continue
to broaden the limits of our understanding it is necessary to pursue the chance
to be challenged and seek out the opportunities to grow internally. We often search for fulfilment of our needs
externally only to find satisfaction is short lived and unsustainable. The change we seek cannot be manipulated
externally through others or by investing in material items. Once we turn our attention inwards we unlock our
ability to invest in our power to change.
True
strength does not come from putting up a barricade to the outside world or
hiding away. The outside world is not
the threat. The biggest threat is how we
perceive ourselves and our place in the world.
By accepting the lessons, we can learn from those who touch our lives
the ability to be flexible, compassionate and accepting and once we possess
these attributes can truly live authentically.
To be open and vulnerable builds resilience and inner strength and
encourages us to bestow our flexibility, compassion and acceptance on others and
even more importantly on ourselves.
Everything
we experience in life only has meaning when we attach a story. But what if the story we previously attached
was filled with faulty thinking. What if
the beliefs and values we filtered our experience through were created on
misunderstandings and miscommunications.
What if the very beliefs we live within are no longer useful and should
have been outmoded long ago. What if we
could suspend our resistance to different viewpoints and notice how differently
we experience the world around us. What
if this would give us a completely diverse angle and experience. What could we learn from that
experience? How would it change what we think
and believe and how we react?
What if categorising
opinions and behaviours as wrong or right robs us of the chance to extract and absorb
what we need to evolve. Our ability to
accept ourselves and others with their values and beliefs is enhanced when we actively
seek the positive intention. It is not
necessary to condone or agree, but equally not helpful to judge, just accept!
Request your free 20 minute phone introduction
·Discover your challenges and how to overcome them
·Find and remove your outmoded, unhelpful beliefs
·Learn how to express yourself and be heard and understood
·Discover tools for relieving stress and anxiety
·Learn and experience new techniques to support your
quest for optimum personal growth
Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
01932 403780/077823
381855
