'Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.'
Brene Brown
We are constantly distracted and misguided by this busy noisy world. When was the last time you truly experienced a time of peace?
The continuous decibels of volume of life can infiltrate into our sense of self and influence our views and beliefs away from our calling as we strive to be the personification of what we think we should be.
For many it is a drive to be validated or heard. We may experience success in some contexts of our life and yet for all our searching and the material trappings of success we can be left feeling dissatisfied. Our search to feel at essence we matter and our mission is important leads us to question what success really means..
When we are looking to prove ourselves to the world we need look no further than our internal measurement of what we believe we deserve and our own standing in the world. How can we be authentic when we are trying to live up to an ideal that is someone else's view of who we should be. We are often unaware of the unconscious conditioning we are living within, but it drives our thoughts and behaviour.
Conformity can be the enemy of authenticity. Human beings by nature want to fit in and be part of a tribe and therefore we live by many underlying rules about what makes a successful and acceptable human being. We can fool ourselves for some time we are on the right path. Our parents are proud of our achievements, we have all the evidence of success and yet there is a gaping hole of emptiness that we can ignore for a while. However, when we are alone in the dark silence our lack of inner peace is unavoidable.
The need for authenticity becomes a niggle that keeps nudging us to do something different. We have buried it deep inside hoping we can forget our true nature, but the calling just gets louder as we do not possess that inner peace that reassures us we are living in line with our values and in alignment with how we define ourselves.
We may find ourselves bewildered when we have done everything to the book and yet we still do not have a voice. We are overlooked and misunderstood and deceiving ourselves. Why would anyone listen or take time to understand when we have ignored our own needs that nurture and nourish our true selves. The emptiness we experience has been unwittingly of our own unconscious making. Our conditioning has been so successful we cannot fathom why our higher self seeks something deeper. A more fulfilling existence than that which we have been spoon fed all our lives should give us satisfaction.
We are all in a prime position to listen to our inner desires and yet over and over we respect others opinions over our own. Sure friends and relatives might have advice on how to make money and furnish life with trinkets and trophies, but is it really going to hit the spot when you have to spend long hours in the office completing meaningless tasks? Advice is a gift given with the best positive intention. However, what seems like good advice may not be a good fit for you! When social conformity and influence from others is stripped away it is possible you can uncover your own needs, desires and goals and unearth true authenticity.
The good news is our awakening to our true needs is completely in our power and waiting for us to pay attention. Ask yourself what would I get out of bed and do with joy even if I was not paid for it? it might be singing, painting, growing flowers or fixing cars. Listen to your own intuition on what is right for you as no one else knows you like you do!
Authenticity can be rediscovered when we have the awareness of how we have been adapting to fit in with society. We can begin to understand this version of ourselves was created in a time of limited understanding and resources. We learnt to reject or suppress our true selves as the safest way to be accepted and included. It is important we are thankful for the ability to adapt but also notice whether we live in a constant state of adaptation around others.
What would happen if we were able to express our true selves around others?
The authentic self often holds a lot of anger, fear and sadness and through a sense of hurt allowed the adaptive self to take over to protect the authentic self. Beginning to learn to explore these feelings and express them safely is a great way to get in touch with your authentic self.
Becoming aware of when our beliefs do not match our actions can be a way of gaining more authenticity. Maybe we do not feel strong enough sometimes to express our real views and go along with others opinions to keep the peace or be accepted. Becoming more authentic requires self awareness and honesty to eliminate the discrepancies between beliefs and actions.
To really explore and encourage our authentic self requires compassion and self love. We can learn to accept all aspects of ourselves especially those we dislike and view those parts of ourselves as areas of development. When our authentic self feels supported in a safe and accepting environment it is more likely to reveal itself.
It is important to recognise old disempowering beliefs that have encumbered our development towards authenticity. What do we hold as truths about ourselves? Where and from whom did we take them on board as our truths? They frequently emerge from childhood experiences. Many of which have no relevance to us as an adult, but keep their hold on our thoughts and actions. Possible examples might be:
I am not good enough
I don't deserve love and happiness
I am not smart enough
Are any of these beliefs a good representative or our authentic self today?
It is not easy just to state the opposite when we have held these beliefs for so long, but it is easier to create doubt in these old beliefs by contrary examples and a new open way of thinking that it could be possible that I am good enough or it may be true that I deserve more! What if I am smarter than I realised!
It is important to keep to our own authentic development path and vital that we ensure the direction taken encompasses our values and beliefs. Success is not easy when we follow someone else's blue print that does not resemble any of our core values and beliefs. We have to pursue the right personal goals in the best way for us as individuals. We may not be typical of the trajectory for our career etc. but we are unique and our perspective and journey will be too.
Strengthening our intuition is key to developing personal authenticity. Being knowledgeable about the world is a great asset, but being knowledgeable about ourselves and learning to trust and hone our intuition is crucial. We often ignore our gut instinct to our detriment. In place of this wisdom we place our psychological and intellectual understandings. Our bodies are much wiser than we give them credit for and can sense an inconsistency and send a signal which we frequently ignore over documented evidence. Words can be beguiling and convincing but if there is a sense that something does not feel quite right then it probably isn't for us personally. Be careful of becoming a people pleaser as this rarely pleases our own higher self's purpose.
Being comfortable in our own authenticity can take time but to keep us on track there are some truths we can carry with us:
Worthiness is innate
The only person I need to impress is me
I am the best version of me so far and that is enough!
Karen Oliver
E-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions,co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780
